Henry Miller

To enter life by way of the vagina is as good a way as any.
- Henry Miller

David Letterman

In a new sex survey they found eight percent of people had sex four or more times a week. Now here's the interesting part. That number drops to two percent when you add the phrase, "With partner."
- David Letterman

Sophia Loren

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got, and fifty percent what people think you've got.
- Sophia Loren

Dick Cavett

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- Dick Cavett

Jeff Marder

The dentist told me I grind my teeth at night, so now before I go to sleep I fill my mouth with hot water and coffee beans and set my alarm for 7:30.
- Jeff Marder

Marc Chagall

Work isn't to make money; you work to justify life.
- Marc Chagall

Scott

Awakening one morning after the orgy, the God of War was stretching sleepily when he noticed a lovely Valkyrie standing in the doorway. "Good morning," he said, "I'm Thor."
She replied, "You're thor? I'm tho thor I can hardly pith."
- Scott

Jonathan Katz

My wife insists on turning off the lights before we make love. That doesn't bother me. It's the hiding that seems so cruel.
- Jonathan Katz

William F. Buckley, Jr.

"One must bear in mind that the expansion of federal activity is a form of eating for politicians."
- William F. Buckley, Jr.

Steven Wright

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Steven Wright

Short North Joe

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist.
- Short North Joe

Debbie Reynolds

Sex is like air . . . not important until you're not getting any.
- Debbie Reynolds

Mae West

It's better to be looked over . . . than overlooked.
- Mae West

George Bernard Shaw

Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.
- George Bernard Shaw

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

C. S. Lewis

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.
- C. S. Lewis

Pablo Picasso

It takes a long time to become young.
- Pablo Picasso

Plato

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
- Plato

Henry A. Kissinger

For other nations, utopia is a blessed past never to be recovered; for Americans it is just beyond the horizon.
- Henry A. Kissinger

Joe Namath

Till I was 13, I thought my name was "Shut Up."
- Joe Namath

Mike Tyson

I'm a dreamer. I have to dream and reach for the stars, and if I miss a star then I grab a handful of clouds.
- Mike Tyson

William F. Buckley, Jr

"The academic community has in it the biggest concentration of alarmists, cranks and extremists this side of the giggle house."
- William F. Buckley, Jr

Gore Vidal

Fifty percent of people won't vote, and fifty percent don't read newspapers. I hope it's the same fifty percent.
- Gore Vidal

Alfred Hitchcock

Revenge is sweet and not fattening.
- Alfred Hitchcock

John Barrymore

The way to fight a woman is with your hat - grab it and run.
- John Barrymore

James M. Barrie

Every man who is high up likes to think that he has done it all himself, and the wife smiles and lets it go at that.
- James M. Barrie

Ayn Rand

"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others"
- Ayn Rand

P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
- P. J. O'Rourke

H L Mencken

To sum up: 1. The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute. 2. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it. 3. Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and set spinning to give him the ride.
-- H L Mencken

Abraham Lincoln

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met.
- Abraham Lincoln

Mark Twain

I am as uplifted and reassured by it as a mother who has given birth to a white baby when she was awfully afraid it was going to be a mulatto.
- Mark Twain