James Thurber

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
- James Thurber

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Harvey Fierstein

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. 
- Harvey Fierstein

Woody Allen

Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.
- Woody Allen

Dante Gabriel Rossetti

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.
- Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Edna Ferber

Perhaps too much of everything is as bad as too little.
- Edna Ferber (1887 - 1968)

William Penn

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
- William Penn

Will Rogers

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935), New York Times, Apr. 29, 1930

C. S. Lewis

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
- C. S. Lewis (1898 - 1963)

Robert F. Kennedy

The problem of power is how to achieve its responsible use rather than its irresponsible and indulgent use - of how to get men of power to live for the public rather than off the public.
- Robert F. Kennedy (1925 - 1968)

Akira Kurosawa

In a mad world only the mad are sane.
- Akira Kurosawa (1910 - 1998)

Dylan Thomas

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
- Dylan Thomas (1914 - 1953), in Constantine Fitzgibbon, Life of Dylan Thomas (1965)

Scott Adams

Frankly, I'm suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
- Scott Adams (1957 - ), The Dilbert Blog

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

Jules Renard

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.
- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)

Henry David Thoreau

It is an interesting question how far men would retain their relative rank if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862), Walden, 1854

Theodore Roosevelt

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
- Theodore Roosevelt

Jane Austen

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously.... Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.
- Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Pride and Prejudice, 1811

Benjamin Franklin

If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.
- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

Alice James

One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.
- Alice James

Everett Dirksen

"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times."
- Everett Dirksen

Oprah Winfrey

You can have it all. You just can't have it all at once.
- Oprah Winfrey (1954 - )(1954 - )

Frank Dane

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
- Frank Dane

Tallulah Bankhead

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)

Christina Rossetti

Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad.
- Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894)

Malcolm Forbes

Men who never get carried away should be.
- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)

Jack Handey

"If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been."
- Jack Handey

Katharine Whitehorn

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
- Katharine Whitehorn

David Assael

After you've been in a place for a while, everything starts to look... I won't say better, there's no need to go to extremes...but your everyday life does start to become...familiar.
- David Assael, Northern Exposure, Russian Flu, 1990

Scott Adams

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
- Scott Adams (1957 - ), Dogbert; Dilbert cartoons

Mark Twain

God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
- Mark Twain