G. K. Chesterton

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- G. K. Chesterton

Holly Lisle

Actions have consequences...first rule of life. And the second rule is this - you are the only one responsible for your own actions.
- Holly Lisle, Fire In The Mist, 1992

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch what itches.
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Wyatt Earp

"Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything."
- Wyatt Earp

Glenda Jackson

Acting is not very hard. The most important things are being able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think about my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think about my sex life.
- Glenda Jackson

Ralph Waldo Emerson

All the mistakes I make arise from forsaking my own station and trying to see the object from another person's point of view.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Henry Louis Mencken

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
- Henry Louis Mencken

Albert Einstein

God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
- Albert Einstein

Douglas Horton

On Easter Day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer.
- Douglas Horton

Walt Whitman

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
- Walt Whitman

Lenny Bruce

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
- Lenny Bruce

Konrad Adenauer

"In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity."
- Konrad Adenauer

Oscar Levant

I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.
- Oscar Levant

Bill Cosby

Any husband who says "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
- Bill Cosby

Alex Levine

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
- Alex Levine

Ronald Reagan

Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem.
- Ronald Reagan

Dr. Seuss

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Seuss

Milton Berle

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle

Abraham Lincoln

Gentlemen, why don't you laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me night and day, if I did not laugh, I should die.
- Abraham Lincoln

Richard Dawkins

No doubt some of your cousins and great-uncles died in childhood, but not a single one of your ancestors did. Ancestors just don't die young!
- Richard Dawkins

Ronnie Shakes

I like life. It's something to do.
- Ronnie Shakes

Henny Youngman

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
- Henny Youngman

Rita Rudner

The closest I ever came to a ménage á trois was once I dated a schizophrenic.
- Rita Rudner

P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Robert Frost

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
- Robert Frost

George Bernard Shaw

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. The poverty-stricken man makes the same mistake about the rich man.
- George Bernard Shaw

Ayn Rand

"Run for your life from any man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter."
- Ayn Rand

Woody Allen

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of woman.
- Woody Allen

Helen Keller

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
- Helen Keller

Adlai Stevenson

A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.
- Adlai Stevenson

Mark Twain

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles . . . by the ears, by the heels or any other way you can manage it. It's the healthiest thing a body can do.
- Mark Twain