Emily Dickinson

They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse.
- Emily Dickinson

John Wing

I was recently born again. I must admit it's a glorious and wonderful experience, but I can't say my mother enjoyed it a whole lot.
- John Wing

H. L. Menken

A church is a place in which (ladies and) gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
- H. L. Menken

Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples - change one letter and you have the story of my life.
- Dorothy Parker

Katharine Whitehorn

In real life, women are always trying to mix something up with sex - religion, or babies, or hard cash; it's only men who long for sex without rings or strings.
- Katharine Whitehorn

Salma Hayek

Before you do anything, think. If you do something to try and impress someone, to be loved, accepted or even to get someone's attention, stop and think. So many people are busy trying to create an image, they die in the process.
- Salma Hayek

Shang Forbes

I'm the kind of guy who tells an angry albino to lighten up.
- Shang Forbes

Mahatma Gandhi

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."
- Mahatma Gandhi

Anne Lamott

In a little over a hundred years? All new people.
- Anne Lamott

Anais Nin

The poet is one who is able to keep the fresh vision of the child alive within the mature person.
- Anais Nin

Dennis Allen

Help! I'm being held prisoner by my heredity and environment!
- Dennis Allen

Jean Cocteau

Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.
- Jean Cocteau

Lily Tomlin

Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
- Lily Tomlin

Oliver Wendell Holmes

The man who is always worrying whether or not his soul would be damned generally has a soul that isn't worth a damn.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Ronnie Shakes

After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes: "No hablo ingles."
- Ronnie Shakes

Aaron McGruder

When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws. Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure.
- Aaron McGruder

Billy Riback

My mother is Welsh, my father is Hungarian - which makes me Wel-hung.
- Billy Riback

Mary Kay Ash

If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.
- Mary Kay Ash

Logan Pearsall Smith

Don't laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find his own.
- Logan Pearsall Smith

Mae West

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Robert Fulghum

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire--then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.
- Robert Fulghum

Baltasar Gracian

Things do not pass for what they are, but for what they seem. Most things are judged by their jackets.
- Baltasar Gracian

Judith Martin

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

John Wayne

If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
- John Wayne

Jack Handey

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
- Jack Handey

William Morrow

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- William Morrow

Yakov Smirnoff

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was pro da. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
- Yakov Smirnoff

Christian Bovee

When all else is lost, the future still remains.
- Christian Bovee

Rudyard Kipling

I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.
- Rudyard Kipling

Mark Twain

No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters. It has never been done.
- Mark Twain