Robert Half

Free advice is worth the price.
- Robert Half

Will Rogers

Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
- Will Rogers

George Bernard Shaw

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
- George Bernard Shaw

Rodney Dangerfield

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Hubert H. Humphrey

Leadership in today's world requires far more than a large stock of gunboats and a hard fist at the conference table.
- Hubert H. Humphrey

Huey P. Long

People say I steal. Well, all politicians steal.
- Huey P. Long

Henry David Thoreau

Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.
- Henry David Thoreau

Edith Sitwell

A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits.
- Edith Sitwell

Joan Rivers

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
- Joan Rivers

Kurt Vonnegut

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
- Kurt Vonnegut

Norman Vincent Peale

"Enthusiasm spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment."
- Norman Vincent Peale

Joe E. Lewis

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
- Joe E. Lewis

John Steinbeck

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid and stable business.
- John Steinbeck

Aldous Huxley

The only completely consistent people are the dead.
- Aldous Huxley

Ludwig Erhard

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
- Ludwig Erhard

Cicero

There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
- Cicero

Franklin P. Jones

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.
- Franklin P. Jones

Mike Ditka

Success isn't permanent and failure isn't fatal.
- Mike Ditka

Winston Churchill

Really I feel less keen about the Army every day. I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill

Alfred Hitchcock

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock

P. J. O'Rourke

To mistrust science and deny the validity of the scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Niels Bohr

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.
- Niels Bohr

Laurence J. Peter

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
- Laurence J. Peter

Voltaire

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire

Albert Einstein

I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation and is but a reflection of human frailty.
- Albert Einstein

Joey Adams

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
- Joey Adams

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton

Will Rogers

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
- Will Rogers

Clint Eastwood

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
- Clint Eastwood

Robert Orben

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben

Mark Twain

"It is curious - curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare."
- Mark Twain