Jeanne-Marie Roland

The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.
- Jeanne-Marie Roland

Grace Hansen

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

Rodney Dangerfield

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Thomas Jefferson

We seldom report of having eaten too little.
- Thomas Jefferson

Bill Moyers

When I learn something new-and it happens every day-I feel a little more at home in this universe, a little more comfortable in the nest.
- Bill Moyers

Thomas J. Watson

Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous -- not just to some people in some circumstances -- but to everyone all the time.
- Thomas J. Watson

Charles De Gaulle

"I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians."
- Charles De Gaulle

Joey Bishop

"Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money."
- Joey Bishop

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree with us."
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Nancy Astor

"The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing. "
- Nancy Astor

Ambrose Bierce

Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
- Ambrose Bierce

John F. Kennedy

Today, every inhabitant of this planet must contemplate the day when this planet may no longer be habitable. Every man, woman and child lives under a nuclear sword of Damocles, hanging by the slenderest of threads, capable of being cut at any moment by accident, or miscalculation, or by madness. The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.
- John F. Kennedy

H. L. Mencken

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
- H. L. Mencken

Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Parents forgive their children least readily for the faults they themselves instilled in them.
- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Richard J. Needham

Strong people make as many and as ghastly mistakes as weak people. The difference is that strong people admit them, laugh at them, learn from them. That is how they become strong.
- Richard J. Needham

John Keats

Love is my religion, I could die for it.
- John Keats

Clint Eastwood

It takes tremendous discipline to control the influence, the power you have over other people's lives.
- Clint Eastwood

Fred Allen

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
- Fred Allen

Emo Philips

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips

Henny Youngman

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
- Henny Youngman

Ellen DeGeneres

"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words."
- Ellen DeGeneres

George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
- George Burns

Warren E. Burger

Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
- Warren E. Burger

Henrik Ibsen

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians.
- Henrik Ibsen

Buddha

Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth.
- Buddha

Plato

The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.
- Plato

Albert Einstein

He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein

Will Rogers

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.
- Will Rogers

Confucius

Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius

Winston Churchill

One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!
- Winston Churchill

Mark Twain

Thanksgiving Day. Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.
- Mark Twain