Lord Byron

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
- Lord Byron

Yogi Berra

Shut up and talk.
- Yogi Berra

Bob Monkhouse

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
- Bob Monkhouse

Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Edith Sitwell

The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.
- Edith Sitwell

Joyce Brothers

"There's a very positive relationship between people's ability to accomplish any task and the time they're willing to spend on it."
- Joyce Brothers

Thomas Paine

That government is best which governs least.
- Thomas Paine

Franklin P. Jones

Anybody who finds it easy to make money on the horses is probably in the dog food business.
- Franklin P. Jones

Oscar Wilde

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Oscar Wilde

Paul Newman

If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.
- Paul Newman

Alice Thomas Ellis

There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.
- Alice Thomas Ellis

Pearl S. Buck

"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible -- and achieve it, generation after generation."
- Pearl S. Buck

Samuel Butler

Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.
- Samuel Butler

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next-door neighbour.
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton

Samuel Goldwyn

I can answer you in two words, im-possible.
- Samuel Goldwyn

Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

In youth we learn; in age we understand.
- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

William Somerset Maugham

Love is a dirty trick played on us to achieve the continuation of the species.
- William Somerset Maugham

Ambrose Bierce

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
- Ambrose Bierce

Leo Buscaglia

True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about who's getting the better of the deal.
- Leo Buscaglia

Charlie Chaplin

Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.
- Charlie Chaplin

Henry Ford

Chop your own wood, and it will warm you twice.
- Henry Ford

J. Paul Getty

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
- J. Paul Getty

Calvin Trillin

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.
- Calvin Trillin

Will Rogers

Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.
- Will Rogers

Wang Yangming

Whosoever is willing to devote himself to study may become a sage, provided he devotes his mind to heaven-given principles.
- Wang Yangming

Winston Churchill

We all are worms, but I do believe I am a glowworm.
- Winston Churchill

Woody Allen

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
- Woody Allen

Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Mark Twain

The size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider's measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it. The king's lost crown is a vast matter to the king but of no consequence to the child. The lost toy is a great matter to the child but in the king's eyes it is not a thing to break the heart about.
- Mark Twain