Steven Wright

 I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. 

- Steven Wright

Sigmund Freud

 I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. 

- Sigmund Freud

John Lennon

 As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot. 

- John Lennon

Mark Twain

 The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. 

- Mark Twain