Plautus

 No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days. 

- Plautus

Cyrano de Bergerac

 A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.

- Cyrano de Bergerac

George Bernard Shaw

 No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means. 

- George Bernard Shaw

George Carlin

 When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. 

- George Carlin

H. L. Mencken

 If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl. 

- H. L. Mencken

Lewis Black

 I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet. 

- Lewis Black

Clarence Darrow

 I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. 

- Clarence Darrow

John Kennedy

 Power does not change you, it unmasks you. 

- John Kennedy

Ambrose Bierce

 Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. 

- Ambrose Bierce

Nat King Cole

 The whites come to applaud a Negro performer just like the colored do. When you've got the respect of white and colored, you can ease a lot of things. 

- Nat King Cole

Wernher von Braun

 Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. 

- Wernher von Braun

Albert Schweitzer

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

- Albert Schweitzer

Harry S Truman

 It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.

- Harry S Truman

Wayne Gretzky

 You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 

- Wayne Gretzky

Theodore Roosevelt

 No people is wholly civilized where a distinction is drawn between stealing an office and stealing a purse. 

- Theodore Roosevelt