S.A. Sachs

Tomorrow always comes, and today is never yesterday.
- S.A. Sachs

Carolyn Wells

"Actions lie louder than words."
- Carolyn Wells

Albert Camus

"There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn."
- Albert Camus

Bruce Grocott

"I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves."
- Bruce Grocott

Lewis Carroll

If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll

Hobart Brown

Having more money does not insure happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.
- Hobart Brown

Christopher Morley

No man is lonely while eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention.
- Christopher Morley

Oscar Levant

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
- Oscar Levant

John Heywood

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
- John Heywood

Dave Barry

If you were to open up a baby's head, and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should, you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
- Dave Barry

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Josh Billings

Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
- Josh Billings

Bill Cosby

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
- Bill Cosby

James Madison

The problem to be solved is, not what form of government is perfect, but which of the forms is least imperfect.
- James Madison

Aristotle

The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.
- Aristotle

Wilson Mizner

"Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up."
- Wilson Mizner

Mae West

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Ambrose Bierce

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
- Ambrose Bierce

Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen

H. L. Mencken

A home is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it.
- H. L. Mencken

Robert Orben

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
- Robert Orben

Will Rogers

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
- Will Rogers

Confucius

Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius

Tao Te Ching

Those whose desires are few get them, those whose desires are great go astray.
- Tao Te Ching

Winston Churchill

Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.
- Winston Churchill

George Carlin

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
- George Carlin

Plato

The greatest penalty of evildoing - namely, to grow into the likeness of bad men.
- Plato

Buddha

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.
- Buddha

Oscar Wilde

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde

George Bernard Shaw

It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.
- George Bernard Shaw

Mark Twain

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
- Mark Twain