Hubert H. Humphrey

“In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends upon the name it bears. Things are not only what they are. They are, in very important respects, what they seem to be.”
- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978)

Friedrich Nietzsche

"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

George Santayana

"Sanity is a madness put to good use."
- George Santayana

Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Henry Ford

When I can't handle events, I let them handle themselves.
- Henry Ford

William Shakespeare

“Have more than thou showest, speak less than thouh knowest, lend less than thou owest.”
- William Shakespeare, Macbeth (1564-1616)

Gilbert K. Chesterton

A new philosophy generally means in practice the praise of some old vice.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Tao Te Ching

Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.
- Tao Te Ching

Oscar Wilde

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
- Oscar Wilde

C. S. Lewis

All men alike stand condemned, not by alien codes of ethics, but by their own, and all men therefore are conscious of guilt.
- C. S. Lewis

Bernard Devoto

The mind has its own logic but does not often let others in on it.
- Bernard Devoto

Samuel Beckett

Birth was the death of him.
- Samuel Beckett

Don Marquis

Some persons are likable in spite of their unswerving integrity.
- Don Marquis

Abigail Adams

Wisdom and penetration are the fruit of experience, not the lessons of retirement and leisure. Great necessities call out great virtues.
- Abigail Adams

Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- Erma Bombeck

Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Parents forgive their children least readily for the faults they themselves instilled in them.
- Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Paul Auster

“People say you have to travel to see the world. Sometimes I think that if you just stay in one place and keep your eyes open, you’re going to see just about all that you can handle.”
- Paul Auster

Leo J. Burke

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
- Leo J. Burke

German Proverb

One must either be the hammer or the anvil.
- German Proverb

Robert Byrne

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
- Robert Byrne

Tom Robbins

Philosophers have argued for centuries about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, but materialists have always known it depends on whether they are jitterbugging or dancing cheek to cheek.
- Tom Robbins

Henny Youngman

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
- Henny Youngman

Aldous Huxley

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
- Aldous Huxley

Bertrand Russell

“Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education.”
- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

E. B. White

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.
- E. B. White

Joan Rivers

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- Joan Rivers

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

“I have been a soreheaded occupant of a file drawer labeled "Science Fiction' ... and I would like out, particularly since so many serious critics regularly mistake the drawer for a urinal.”
- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (1974)

Porterfield

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little.
- Porterfield

Muhammad Ali

Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.
- Muhammad Ali

Vaclav Havel

Without free, self respecting and autonomous citizens there can be no free and independent nations. Without internal peace, that is, peace among citizens and between the citizens and the state, there can be no guarantee of external peace.
- Vaclav Havel

Mark Twain

You can't reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
- Mark Twain